Time and distance
lend perspective, and all that. Waiting about ten days to put up my thoughts on
the Eroticon 2014 weekend is about time and distance and NOTHING AT ALL to do
with being a lazy sod whose past week has involved a three day hangover and a lot
of staring into space grinning while the concept of a new trilogy begins to
gain shape. Oh no. Course not.
So, how was it for
us? Mighty fine, since you ask. I got myself to Bristol after a not-too-awful
coach trip and found my pleasant little B&B was, usefully, on the main bus
route into the town centre. So, quick cuppa and a scrubdown later, I hit the bar
of the Radisson Blu hotel, wondering if I should have worn a red carnation or
something. I did have my ‘Mr Grey is a Lousy Lay’ badge on, but there isn’t
exactly an erotica authors’ uniform (no matter what some MoPs might think).
Luckily I recognised Jilly Boyd and Molly from encounters at Sh! And knew I was
in the right part of the bar, at least. There were loads of new people to meet,
as well: some of whom I ‘knew’ from Twitter and some I’d met at Tobacco Dock
last year and – as always – a brilliant atmosphere of instant friendship and
shared worldviews.
All the time, though,
I was aware that I was going to have to talk and be sensible first thing in the
morning, so I actually moderated myself a bit in terms of pints of cider
consumed, and got a reasonably early night.
Saturday was lovely
and sunny; the conference venue a gorgeous, stately old gaff in the town centre
with a welcoming atmosphere and I got there in time to have a quick huddle with
my co-speakers Myles Jackman, a truly righteous lawyer who I would love to have
at my back if I ever do get myself in proper trouble and Pandora Blake, who is
doing an awesome job of reinventing and revitalising porn that works for women.
The three of us were doing the opening session on censorship and how it affects
us, and I think I can say we went down well (and you are welcome to reinterpret
that in ways that please your imagination…)
Further talks and
workshops followed, some of which made me yearn for Hermione Grainger’s Time Turner
so I could actually be in two places at once. As it was, I picked Emily
Dubberly and Mia Moore’s advice session on dealing with the press and Lily
Hastings’ enthralling lecture on anatomy – yes, if you’re going to write about
sex you need to know your body parts. Unlike a long-ago dipstick who once
submitted me a manuscript containing the unintentionally terrifying line ‘I
parted her clitoris’…
After lunch – and lunch
was as awesome as the rest; none of your own-brand crisps and soggy sarnies
here – I had a prowl round the bookstalls and caught up with various friends
before being enthralled and educated by Michael Knight and Ruby Goodnight on
the subject of traffic-building and all that new technological stuff that still
tends to bemuse me. I know a lot more now and just need to apply it.
Saturday night was
party time at the Elephant Bar with some serious dressing up going on, lots of
fizz, a little flirtation and various schemes and plans for future projects.
Unsurprisingly, when we all got back to Armada House on Sunday morning, several
of us were on the pale and trembling side of things. Lavish applications of tea
and coffee got people into gear, though, and I spent the morning focussing on
flash fiction with Kristina Lloyd. Using nail polish and paint colour charts
for inspiration is unexpectedly effective. Once again, when it came to the
afternoon’s choice of workships I struggled to decide and settled on Harper
Elliot and Gryphon’s tips for reading your work aloud followed by the Ask An
Editor Session. We finished off with readings and delicious cakes, and suddenly
the weekend was over. Way, way too soon: more than one attendee was a little
misty-eyed and miserable when it came to saying goodbye. Those of us with
enough time to kill before trains and coaches home did nip into the nearest pub
for a farewell pint or so, but if it’s true that the best entertainments always
leave you wanting more, then you can safely say: job done, Ruby Kiddell and co.
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